


I'll Ruin You

by LetMeEntertainYou



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, bipolar!john
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 20:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetMeEntertainYou/pseuds/LetMeEntertainYou
Summary: “I will. I’m crazy. Really. I’ll steal your credit cards to buy things I don’t want. I’ll stay in bed for at least a month, not wanting to even shower. I’ll drink too much and then not eat for days. I’ll ruin you, Rog. I’ll wear you down. I’m too much,” John said as he exhaled smoke, a few clouds pooling out of his nose. He sounded certain. Dead set on his belief. He was a burden to anyone who got too close. He wasn’t sure why the spikes on his skin, like a cactus, only drew Roger further into his orbit.





	I'll Ruin You

**Author's Note:**

> My blog is Disabled-Queen-HC on tumblr.  
Anon asked:maybe you could write something with joger and john with bipolar being afraid as well? only if you want to though.

“I’ll ruin you, you know,” John said, his eyes up at the shimmering moon, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for a much needed puff.

Roger, who stood next to him, leaning against the brick wall of the studio, laughed softly. His own cigarette was but a stub, so he threw it onto the ground and crushed it under his heel. “You won’t,” he said, an air of bravado to his words, gazing back up to the bassist who didn’t dare look him in the eye.

“I will. I’m crazy. Really. I’ll steal your credit cards to buy things I don’t want. I’ll stay in bed for at least a month, not wanting to even shower. I’ll drink too much and then not eat for days. I’ll ruin you, Rog. I’ll wear you down. I’m too much,” John said as he exhaled smoke, a few clouds pooling out of his nose. He sounded certain. Dead set on his belief. He was a burden to anyone who got too close. He wasn’t sure why the spikes on his skin, like a cactus, only drew Roger further into his orbit.

“You’re not crazy,” Roger said, his fingers brushing against John’s as he plucked the cigarette out of his hand, taking a drag from it. “And I’ll buy a safe for my cards.” A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

John was forced to look at him, his stomach lurching when he saw the glimmer in Roger’s blue eyes. His eyebrows raised, a frown coloring his lips. “You could have anyone. _Anyone_. Yet you’re chasing after me. You’ve seen me at my worst. Why are you still here?” John asked, not understanding Roger’s persistence. He wasn’t normal. He was either too intense or not enough. He’d love Roger until he bled and then week later, not at all. How could the blond say he could tolerate that? Nobody could.

Roger shrugged, kicking a pebble with the toe of his shoe. He could have anyone. But he wanted John. John only saw himself in extremes but Roger could see the whole spectrum that was John Deacon. Every shade, every color. He wasn’t just black or white. He was the whole rainbow.

“‘Cuz I love you,” Roger said, a slight shake to his voice. He didn’t fancy saying the L word, but John needed to hear it. He inhaled from the cigarette until his lungs ached.

John flushed, taking a single step backwards from Roger. His knees felt wobbly. “You can’t,” he said, his eyes pulled wide with fear.

Roger coughed, handing him back his cig. His eyes misted over and he was sure it wasn’t from the nicotine. “I do. I do. A lot. You don’t have to be afraid with me. I don’t run. I don’t get scared easily.” His fingers found the loops of John’s jeans, tugging the brunet closer.

John let himself be dragged over to Roger, his heart hammering against his ribs. He’d destroy this. He always found a way. He’d destroy their friendship. He’d drive Roger away.

But he so desperately wanted to get closer.

“What if I’m the one who’s scared?” John blurted out, looking like a deer in headlights.

Roger’s face hovered dangerously close to his. “You don’t have to be when I’m with you,” he whispered, his breath surprisingly sweet. His hands snaked around John’s waist, holding on so tight their chests bumped together.

“I’m not afraid, John. I want this. I want you. I love you.”

“I’ll ruin you.”

“You already have.”

John blinked and then he nodded.

There was no point in running away anymore. Roger was too fast.

He hesitated before connecting their lips, both of their limbs erupting in goosebumps, as if lightening had struck them both. It felt like home. 

If Roger could hold on, John would be sure to give him a really good ride. One that hopefully lasted a lifetime.


End file.
